Solicitors report a sharp up-rise in couples seeking divorce proceedings after Christmas every year, and it is reported that family relationships hit an all-time low.
Tears and tantrums not mistletoe kisses
What should be a time of happiness and joy turns out to be a time of misery for those who are in relationships where cracks have already appeared. Expectations run high, accompanied by Christmas carols blaring out in every department store and shopping mall. More money is spent on decorations, trees, gifts and food than originally budgeted-for, and by Christmas Day, stress levels are at danger level. Hardly surprising that such a high number of people come down with colds, flu or other viral infections over the Christmas break!
The reality is that unstable relationships become strained or break down around any celebratory event, especially weddings. Many long-awaited holidays are ruined because of the close proximity of two people who have spent more time focusing on work or children than on communicating and sharing.
Using distracting behaviours
Those of us who live in the Northern hemisphere seem especially unwilling to discuss our relationship problems, or spend time doing whatever it takes to repair the damage, preferring instead to distract ourselves by eating, drinking, shopping, gambling or working too hard. These ‘doing-too-much’ habits are ways of avoiding uncomfortable emotions, but the long-term effects of these distractions can be harmful to our health and well-being and can never help to resolve or repair a serious rift with a family member or partner.
Why do relationships break down?
For the answer to this, and indeed many of our emotional issues, we need to look at our own parents, or care-givers. When we are born, we have an instinctual knowledge that we need to store information as quickly as possible so we can grow up into fully-functioning human beings. From the moment of birth, we start to ‘borrow’ the experience of those big people around us who must surely know better than us. Using all of our senses, we suck in information like little sponges. Some of this information is useful and helpful, and some of it is unhealthy and even harmful.
Unfortunately, through lack of experience, we can’t differentiate between the two, and so all the information is stored within our subconscious mind, which is our permanent memory. This results in our developing faulty programme patterning that can have a powerful effect on how we perceive the world around us.
How we learn our communication skills
Most parents are determined to do their best, and many do a very fine job of bringing up their children with little or no training offered to them. Unfortunately, because they already have their own faulty programmes running (partly because of the information they originally borrowed from their care-givers, and partly because of their own life experience), they unwittingly condition their children in the same way.
If we are fortunate enough to grow up in families where we feel loved, safe and secure, and are encouraged to show our feelings and share and communicate, then we stand a much better chance of forming healthy and communicative relationships later in life.
The consequences of faulty programming
The reality is that an increasing number of children now grow up in families with parents who are either divorced or separated, or one-parent families. Despite the best efforts of the parent who takes on the task of caring for the children, there may be a gap in the childhood-through-to-adult experience.
A boy who grows up without regular contact and interaction with a father may find it hard to form healthy adult relationships with men, or know how to be a good father. For a girl, the lack of a father may result in trust issues with men, and poor choices of partners. A child who grows up without the influence of a mother may have similar problems, and also may find they are uncomfortable with physical touch such as touching and hugging.
The importance of relationship nurture
There is little consideration given to the importance of continuing to nurture all of our relationships on a daily basis, whether with friends, family or partners. After all, you wouldn’t buy a car and let it run out of oil or never be serviced, so why would you expect to enter into a long-term relationship and not give it the ‘servicing’ it constantly requires!
Hypnotherapy for relationship repair
Working with an experienced Hypnotherapist, you can examine your belief systems and come to understand the reasons for your inability to have or sustain healthy relationships. By releasing negative thoughts and feelings – including the most damaging one of anger – and replacing them with positive emotions and new, healthy programmes – you can arrive at a place where you are truly ready to relate with others in a more happy and healthful way.
After a short course of hypnotherapy, many people find that existing relationships improve dramatically. For some, however, there comes a quiet acceptance that the relationship is not one that nurtures them, and recognition that it is time to move on, without anger, bitterness or regret, but instead taking with them an understanding of the many benefits of that experience.
Niki Cassar DCH DHP MAPHP(ACC)
Hypnotherapist & Past Life Regressionist – Perthshire, Scotland