Most people have experienced feeling lonely at some time in their life, but for many of us, the feeling is transitory and we quickly move through it and experience more positive emotions.

When it is OK to feel lonely

A child experiencing the first day at school or the young person starting at university or a new job can often feel lonely; someone who has suffered a recent bereavement will almost certainly feel lonely. These are all examples of normal and understandable reasons to feel lonely, and will usually pass, although the time frame may vary from a matter of a few hours to many months.

But what happens when the inner feeling of loneliness becomes increasingly pervasive and we can’t shake it off? How do we cope with it? More importantly, how can we be free of it?

The consequences of feeling lonely

People who experience long-term feelings of loneliness are usually those who feel uncomfortable about being alone, wrongly believing that being alone is causing the feeling. They will quite likely seek company, and then feel bewildered to find that the feeling remains, and is often exacerbated, even when they are with others. Ever heard the phrase ‘feeling lonely in a crowd’? For many people, this is a common experience.

Lonely people will often seek to distract themselves in other, less healthy ways, such as eating too much, drinking alcohol, gambling, shopping or burying themselves in their work. Briefly, they will feel better but then the lonely feeling returns, so they will distract themselves yet again. Problem is, the feeling keeps coming back, so it becomes a vicious circle of Feel Lonely>Distract>Feel Lonely.

Why do we have feelings?

If you were to ask this question of almost anyone you know, most likely they will look puzzled and struggle to find an answer. (If you don’t believe me, try it!) We accept that we have feelings but we never question why.

As children, we are often encouraged to suppress our feelings because it is considered socially unacceptable to express them in public, especially in our Northern hemisphere.

Were you ever told ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘Don’t be a cry baby’? Maybe you were told it wasn’t OK to be angry, or told not to be sad? I’ll bet that if you ever said you were bored, you were given short thrift and dispatched with instructions to ‘go and find something to occupy yourself’.

What a pity no-one ever took the time to explain how important our feelings are. Rather than suppressing them, far better to understand that they were given to us as a natural guidance system, designed to help us understand which of our needs aren’t being satisfied, and to motivate us to take action to fulfil those needs.

The underlying cause of loneliness

In truth, the feeling of loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. It is a very old feeling that comes from deep within us, from our subconscious mind, triggered by memories, conversations, photos, books, films, TV or even a passing thought!

The feeling usually started when we were very young, probably before the age of 5, and through our lack of experience or our misperceptions, or even neglect by others, we felt lonely on one or more occasions, and this also caused us to feel sad.

The subconscious mind never deletes, so the lonely-and-sad feelings remain firmly stored until accessed and changed. Over the years, the subcon ‘helpfully’ replays the feeling in any situation which it regards as similar to the earliest experiences, and each successive time we feel lonely, the feeling is strengthened and stored back in the subcon.

Little wonder that, as the years go by, we feel increasingly lonely!

How to permanently overcome loneliness – and enjoy being alone!

Working with an experienced Hypnotherapist, the underlying causes of the inner feelings of loneliness can be explored and gently transformed, allowing us to feel happier and more confident on the inside; free to choose our own company or the company of others, in the knowledge that either will be equally acceptable and pleasurable!
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Author’s Details
Niki Cassar DCH DHP MAPHP(ACC)
Hypnotherapy, Past Life Regression & Quantum Healing in Surrey
Website: www.nikicassar.com Email: mindfully@nikicassar.com
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