I Don’t Deserve Happiness
I have heard this expression many times since I have been practising hypnotherapy over the last 16 years. Many people say I don’t deserve….. and the dots represent many things that have been said to me about not feeling worthy of something that is positive.
Typically the statements I hear and a variation are …
- I don’t deserve to be happy (or I should be unhappy)
- I don’t deserve to be successful (or I deserve to fail)
- I don’t deserve to be rich (or I should be poorer)
- I don’t deserve this promotion (or I am not good enough)
- I don’t deserve to be loved (or I am unlovable)
- I don’t deserve to be treated well (or I should be punished/treated badly)
- I don’t deserve to be in this relationship (or they should have someone better than me)
These statements show a certain belief. It’s a belief that a person holds about themselves. The interesting thing is that on an intellectual and conscious level this person knows that they should deserve happiness etc but there is something more powerful that contradicts this intellectual stance. A belief is much more powerful and tends to over-ride the conscious logical part of the mind.
A belief is supported by some deep feeling that someone has concluded about themselves. Most often this belief happens when they were a child or through a series of experiences as an adult (or a combination of these two).
Do you test how much someone loves you?
If you are constantly pushing your partner/husband/wife away to test if they love you enough then you probably have a deserving belief issue. If you keep doing or saying things that test your partners or friends loyalty, love, and friendship than you are showing that you have a need for constant reassurance.
The problem is that no matter how much your partner says they love you, no matter how many times they stay with you despite the testing you put them through, it never is enough for you to change your belief about yourself. The belief being that you are not worthy or don’t deserve them, their love, happiness, security or more.
It could also be the reason why you might stay in an unhealthy, abusive, highly-critical relationship because you believe being treated badly is what you deserve and this is the best you can get.
Do You Self-Sabotage?
If you get that promotion do you do something to undermine your success? Maybe at the interview you deliberately say something that you know will sabotage your chances of getting the new job. If you run your own business and have been enjoying some success is there a part of you that starts to sabotage your success and your business starts to fail?
At sport when you are playing competitively and winning do you find that you start to sabotage your game and subsequently lose?
When Happiness Arrives Are You Waiting for Sadness?
Some people have noticed a pattern in their lives. They have noticed that when they experience a happy event (eg. getting married, getting promoted, getting a nice home) that a sad or troubling event can happen (eg. a loved one dies, they are made redundant, the neighbours are awful). They start to believe that if they have a happy event that there will be a sad event that follows it. Because of this they feel unable to enjoy the happy event and are fearful that a sad event is looming.
Some experts say that this is because historically we have had to look out for danger first and then we can relax. Even when relaxed we can be surprised and caught out by a shocking event. This may well be part of some genetic inheritance. This can be compounded by parents, teachers and other adults who warn children of dangers whenever they are having a happy event. They might say to a child who is playing on a swing Watch you don’t hit you head or if they play in the park don’t speak to any strangers.
This is all good advice but unfortunately it makes an immediate association between fun (happiness) and danger (fear). Most children will accept this communication in the way it was intended but others will derive a deeper meaning from it and create a belief that happiness leads to unhappiness. This misunderstanding can affect them for the rest of their lives unless they do something to change it. The incorrect belief is often called a toxic belief.
The Pain of Guilt
Guilt can form part of the self-sabotaging behaviour. After all if you believe you don’t deserve love, happiness and security and yet you have all of these, you may well feel guilty that you have what you feel you don’t deserve.
In feeling guilty you may then feel the need to punish yourself or to prove that you are unworthy, bad, not good enough or not deserving of a happy life.
Compliments or nice things people say about you are rejected. You may make a compliment into a joke as a way of not having to accept it. You may undermine a compliment by saying actually I was lucky or give someone else the credit in order not to accept the compliment. This is all a pity because it can keep you trapped in that same old belief of I don’t deserve…
Freedom to Deserve Happiness, Joy and Love
Whatever you think you have done or not done, you have probably punished yourself enough don’t you think? Whether you have made a series of decisions that didn’t work out, are in a bad relationship, awful job or have just grown up with shaming or critical people around you, you don’t have to be a victim any more of them or that toxic belief.
Hypnotherapy and Deserving a Great Life
I use hypnotherapy and other powerful therapies to help you free yourself from that unhelpful and unhealthy view of yourself. Just imagine having the freedom to enjoy each moment as it arises. Imagine the freedom to take things in stride and to be okay with happy and challenging events. Imagine what it would be like to move towards more and more fulfilling your potential in life.
All of these wonderful states of being and feelings of empowerment can be yours and it all begins with you. And if you want some support to get you going hypnotherapy can provide the solid foundations for positive changes that can be yours to keep, to cherish and to grow.
There has never been another “you” and that “you” is well worth being proud of no matter where you are in your life today. It’s time to start celebrating your life and all that’s out there in your future.
By Steven Harold